


Now there's a TV Show?

by NadiasGhost



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Crack, Crack Fic, F/M, M/M, Multiple Realities, im not defending cassandra clare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 00:52:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13986939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NadiasGhost/pseuds/NadiasGhost
Summary: HELLA SPOILERS FOR THE BOOKS AND THE FIRST SEASON OF THE TV SHOW. Set in a version of reality where the book characters are “real”, and the screen adaptations were written about their real life adventures. Understandably, they have some feelings about the amount of inconsistencies. Total crack-fic, but you kind of have to have seen a bit of the new Freeform “Shadowhunters” show to understand what’s going on. Set sometime after the events of City of Heavenly Fire?? I haven’t read it for like 3 years but eh….





	Now there's a TV Show?

**Author's Note:**

> HI THIS IS A CRACK FIC IT'S NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AT ALL   
> I love the book, movie, and tv characters- I view them all as separate characters in separate stories though because they're all so different. This is just a take on what would happen if the book versions saw themselves on the TV. Maybe I'll do one where the Movie Characters see the show, or the TV Characters read the books. I love all three equally.

“Nice blue steel, Jace,” Isabelle burst out, unable to take any of this seriously, not even holding out through the intro sequence. 

They’d made a TV show. Wasn’t one flop of a movie about the events of their lives enough? Alec thought. He voiced as much to Magnus, who was sprawled upon the 3/4ths of the armchair Alec wasn’t currently occupied. Magnus scoffed, continuing to tuck his feet up under Alec’s hoodie, “at least that flop of a movie had cast somebody gorgeous enough for me.” 

Alec mimed rolling his boyfriend off his lap, and Magnus laughed. “I think admitting you like Godfrey Gao has to be some kind of egotistical given that he was the actor that played you,” Isabelle called. Magnus shook his head insistently. “Definitely not. I’m me, and he’s him. Otherwise I would be Mike from glee--” he turned to Alec, “would you still date me if I was Mike from Glee?” 

“Absolutely,” Alec replied absent-mindedly, his focus back on the screen, despite how much he’d trash talked the startup of the program, “now, shush, I think we’re about to see the institute.”

The room broke into yelling. “You couldn’t even use google when I first met you!” Clary burst out at the Lightwoods, as a highly technologically advanced institute appeared onscreen. “Oh, that’s a bit far,” Isabelle protested. Simon laughed into her shoulder, muttering something about it being an understatement. “I agree with you biscuit,” Magnus supplied, “when I met Alexander he was using a flip phone--”

“MAGNUS!” 

Jace began to defend himself against Clary, though he should know better. “You used to google things as full sentences,” Clary continued, shushing him, “‘Google, how do you get blood out of light grey shirts? Thanks.’ ‘Google, how to tell if a girl likes you as a friend or a girlfriend or a sister? Thank you.’ ‘Google, it’s Jace. How to keep safe from ducks? Nevermind, how do I kill a duck safely? Thanks.’” She mocked. Jace’s face was red, but still he argued. 

“Shhhhhhhhh,” Isabelle insisted, “ooh who’s that? He’s hot.” 

There was a general murmur of consensus as a new actor appeared on screen, youn, buff and blond. “He can’t be me, because I’m the other one,” Jace mused aloud, “who--”

“It’s Hodge,” Clary realized in horror. Jace gagged on his own spit. There was again yelling, the gist of which terrified sobbing at them giving hODGE a shirtless scene. 

….

“What? Are they not going to have Simon turn into a rat?” Clary asked suddenly. On screen the actor playing Simon-- whom they group had already agree was far too fit to be Simon at that age, even Isabelle, at the risk of Simon’s sad puppy dog eyes-- was hanging upside down from rusted chains. 

“They missed the rat part,” Simon complained, eating a handful of popcorn obnoxiously, “the rat part was very memorable.”

“HOLY SHIT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE RAPHAEL?!” Magnus burst out. He began to cackle, then cry, and then finally managed, “what did they not want to make him look fifteen?” 

“He should be, like, seventy,” Simon protested. “But he was turned at fifteen,” Magnus replied nostalgically, “where’s the baby face?” 

For a moment they were quiet with the sad reality of their real lives, so far removed from this odd hollywood stageshow. Simon broke the silence, “why is TV me so gay for Raphael?” 

Isabelle burst into a fit of laughter. “I ship it,” she finally giggled. 

“SIMON DON’T DO IT, DON’T DRINK HER BLOOD!” Clary yelled at the screen, throwing popcorn. “Hoe, don’t do it!” Simon yelled at his TV counterpart. On screen Simon bit Camille’s neck. “Goddammit,” Simon sighed. 

…

“Why do I look vaguely constipated?” Alec asked. The TV versions of them were summoning a demon now, and he’d given up on pointing out every tiny flaw in the rune work. “That’s the love constipation,” Magnus replied, “bet you ten dollars they got the tip off from the movie writers that you used to have a crush on Jace, and you’re about to stare at him wistfully.”

“That CAN’T be it,” Alec argued, “it has to be something serious. Maybe I’m injured. There’s a demon being summoned, teenage me would know to look wistfully at Jace at a different, less dangerous time.” 

Naturally not only did on screen Alec stare at his parabatai really obviously, but he also somehow completely screwed up the summoning. “You owe me ten dollars,” Magnus said seriously. “THERE WERE CERTAIN MIND-MELDING CIRCUMSTANCES--!” Alec protested. 

….

“Ooh, Luke’s looking good,” Simon called out. “I’m texting him right now,” Clary replied as she hurriedly swallowed a mouthful of popcorn, “he needs to know they think he’s still in his mid-twenties.”

“Maybe he lied and sent the tv writers a letter saying he was 20 years younger than the movie writers had told them, and now he’s hiding so they don’t see him and figure it out,” Simon mused.

….

“Just KISS already!” Simon yelled at TV Simon. “Come on, you know you want to,” Isabelle continued for him, “it’s MEANT TO BE!! He carried you through the night in his vampire-y arms.” 

The rest of the group looked at them sideways. 

“What?” Isabelle asked earnestly, “the tv simon and the tv me apparently don’t care about each other, and I call romantic tension like I see it.” 

….

“Why is everybody way younger and way hotter than real life?” Clary demanded in frustration. “Because it’s hollywood magic?” Alec suggested. “I wish my hair was always like that in real like,” Clary sighed. 

….

“Who the fuck is Lydia Branwell?” 

….

Simon threw more popcorn at the TV. “Why has Meliorn of all people had more screentime than me?”

….

“Who’s the main characters?” Magnus asked. “Me,” responded several voices. “Right, okay, Clary was the main character in the movie,” Isabelle began. “Not fair,” Jace mumbled. “What?” 

“Nothing.”

“Right, Clary was the main character last time, but now…. We are? I thought it was going to be Simon and Clary again, but it just keeps switching back and forth….”

“They forgot about me for a bit,” Simon chimed in. 

“Yeah, and now they have so much Camille, and honestly so much focus on Alec’s love life--”

“Right!” Alec yelped, “I WAS NOT that much of a stuttering mess back then.” 

“Yeah you were,” Magnus and Isabelle rushed to reply. 

….

“We onto episode ten?” Clary asked, before reading the title aloud, “this world inverted.”

“Click it,” Simon confirmed settling back down onto the couch beside Isabelle. 

“Are we not going to talk about how Valentine is bald?” Magnus asked. 

“He looks like Pitbull,” Clary mused, a throwaway comment really, but from then on Simon and Magnus endeavored to rap what they could remember of any Pitbull song everytime he appeared on screen. It kind of took the edge of the bad old memories, so she was really only pretending when she begged them to stop. 

Valentine said on screen: “.... and I am also Jace’s father.”

“Mr. Worldwide,” Magnus whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear. 

“Great, it’s time for the incest plotline,” Jace sighed, lying down on the carpet to stare at the ceiling. 

“You don’t get to complain about an incest plotline when your real life was an incest plotline for a bit--”

“THE TV SHOW THAT IS BASICALLY AN ALTERNATE REALITY HAS WITHIN IT AN ALTERNATE REALITY?!” Simon screeched. 

“If these are our opposites, why is Izzy a nerd? She’s a nerd in real life,” Alec said, earning him a soft kick to the shin. “Why do I have such fuckboy hair,” Jace implored. 

But anti-Alec. They were all floored by anti-Alec. 

“Please never act that way in real life,” Magnus begged. They all nodded in silent horror. 

…. 

“DONT MARRY LYDIA!!” 

“WHO THE FUCK EVEN IS LYDIA?!”

“WHERE IS MAGNUS IN ALL THIS--”

“MAGNUS!!” 

“BITCH YES ITS ME!”

“HOLY SHIT ARE THEY GONNA KISS?!”

“THEY’RE GONNA KISS!!” 

“KISS! KISS! KISS!”

*unintelligible screaming*

….

“Why did fake Alec wait until literally every problematic adult was there to decide he wasn’t going to go through with the marriage?”

“I played myself,” Alec replied. “That’s something you would do,” Jace teased.

“IT IS NOT.” 

….

“What’s going on with the plot now?” 

“I don’t know.”

….

Simon spoke up during the final episode of season one, from a confused silence as they were all attempting to understand what was going on, as it mixed with real memories and wild rumours of their own lives. “Am I trying to press charges for my own death?” Simon asked.

“.... yes?” 

….

“What kind of ENDING WAS THAT?!” 

“They focused on all the stupid stuff!!” 

“I’m funnier in real life,” Simon asserted, but seemed torn between whether that was a good or bad thing. “And I’m not that USELESS in real life,” Clary agreed, “not even back then.”

“I think TV me is perfect,” Isabelle beamed, “she just needs to get to know the TV Simon better.” “You’re just saying that because you have Emeraude Toubia as your actor,” Magnus interjected. 

“What?” Isabelle said innocently, but with a cheeky smile, “I was cast well this time.”

“I have fuckboy hair,” Jace repeated sadly, looking down at his hands. “Not in real life,” Clary rushed to assure. He let her hug him, but still, he looked rattled. 

“Shhhhh,” Clary whispered, “you don’t have fuckboy hair.”

Alec simply repeated his earlier sentiment: “What kind of ENDING WAS THAT?!”


End file.
